"Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage"

So sayeth Confucius, and as with many of his sayings, it's both plainly, unarguably true, and at the same time something of a personal challenge to one's self.*

I mentioned a few posts back an end of season conversation with a senior player at the club, where my grumbles about not, in my view, getting a fair crack of the whip were wisely redirected into a conversation about where I need to improve next year and what aspects of my bowling are good and bad. With the start of pre-season approaching I'm starting to revisit this conversation so I'm properly focused on what I need to do.

The chicken and egg situation I have found myself in is that because I have often been given only very short spells in which to perform, I have gone all-out to achieve all I want to achieve in that short space of time. By attacking too much in search of quick wickets I have bowled expensively, at least in terms of economy rate. By having a poor economy rate I have put myself in the position where I only get short spells. Because I have only been given short spell in which to perform... You see where this goes, don't you? I can moan until I'm fully convinced I'm the most persecuted man since the Christians where thrown to the lions, but it doesn't get me a bowl, I don't gain experience, and my bowling doesn't progress.

So, my number one, chief goal for 2014 must be to do everything I can to remove all barriers to the captain having confidence in my bowling. I could have just said "I need to bowl more economically", but I think that economy rate is just a superficial indication of a deeper truth.

Be careful what you wish for...

This weekend was, not to put too fine a point on it, a disaster. I hardly know where to start in describing the sheer frustration welling up inside me as I think back on it. A full month into the season I did at last have the ball thrown my way, only to have is snatched back in a manner which left me absolutely hopping mad. So sit back and enjoy one of PC's trademark rants...

The day didn't start brilliantly. I was warming up in the nets when Ali and Dan called me away to make sure we knew what we were doing is setting up the pitch, and after less than ten minutes I went back to the nets to find some thieving bastard(s) had stolen two of my balls. They must have known they were mine, I'm the only person who goes around with a bag of 8 - make that 6 - identical balls, specially chosen because they closely resemble the balls we use in the league. I am becoming extremely tired of the rather 'Marxist' view some people in the club seem to have towards other people's property.

So anyway, the game got underway with the opening pair starting solidly and continuing solidly. Indeed, they were into the 90s before they were parted. In came a guy with a retro Duncan Fearnley bat who to be fair had the talent to match the master blaster image as he set about smiting the bowling to all parts. Dan then brought me on to bowl and I set about placing my field with only one variation from normal being that Ali went on the leg-side boundary when I would probably have put him at slip.

One year on

While it's nice to have a few people reading the blog and get some welcome feedback every now and then, this blog is, and always was, predominantly for my own benefit so that I can remind myself of everything that's happened in relation to my cricket 'career'. Today I've had a look through my posts from pre-season last year, reading them for probably the first time since I wrote them, and the similarities and differences are rather interesting.

Firstly, I can see plainly how fragile my confidence in my bowling was last year. I had yet to lose my bowling 'virginity' by taking a wicket, and it's really no wonder now I look back that I found the first two games last year such a struggle mentally. I'm a lot calmer this year and even though I'm not bowling very well yet I have much more faith that it will eventually sort itself out, resulting - so far at least - in a lot less fruitless frustration. I think this year I have a much more realistic impression of my strengths and weaknesses, where last year I consciously hoped for the best but subconsciously feared the worst.

No more Brigadier Block

If there's one aspect of my game that has disappointed me this season, it's my batting. I did manage 8 not outs in 17 innings, which was satisfying, but ultimately I only scored 18 runs in total, my highest score was a paltry 5* and my only real contribution was to help the other guy score.

Now I'm not totally disregarding the value of that role, but having thought about it a bit more, I think I need to be honest with myself and admit that it's a bit of a cop-out by me. Hang on in there, block everything, help the other guy score and then I can protect myself from ever finding out just how ineffective my own batting is. It's safe, and it's weak.